Dark Acts!!!

Literalized voices of all those molested minds set tsunami of thoughts and feelings inside me... and i belong to the gender that perpetrates the dark acts.

So, how does it feel to be counted among the “criminals”? Understand that it’s the social psyche which supports the perpetration...

Speaking mainly of the Indian setup, the society has always set higher priorities on “sons”. The “manhood” is considered to be the most important as a mainstay and provider of the family as well as protector and developer of the society. In these times, this is the basic fallacy first of all. But it nevertheless presents lower status to the womanhood.

Then comes the myth that boys have to be aggressive, assertive and competitive to be “men”, but this is said (or implied) without clarifying what's exactly meant by “aggressive”, “assertive” and “competitive”. Due to lack of such clarification, the terms are always taken in physical sense. So, this justifies the acts of aggression even if they are against the “weaker” section of society.

Then comes the third stream of thoughts that women are to “please” the men and never to “challenge” them in their domain. Women should always be silently supportive of men... women should be sacrificial in their role. Doesn’t that start worsening the situation for both genders? And lastly, the society at large also prompts that all concessions should be granted to let men function in their (men’s) own ways. That grants the men a near-total sanction for their ways. It then starts moral, mental, emotional and spiritual corruption of the society itself … and by corollary then, the only legitimate power that can challenge this power of man is another Man’s power.

Great! Now the society has knit its moral and social fabric. What can a woman do in this situation? Ask most parents if they treat their sons and daughters on par! Ask, if there’s a curfew on the daughter beyond 7 pm, does the curfew apply to the son as well! Ask, if the daughter’s mingling with guys is questioned, then is the son also questioned for mingling with gals! Ask, if rigid moral code is applied to the daughter, then is the same code applied to her brother as well!

If a girl is molested, then her parents, relatives and neighbors subconsciously consider the possibility that her own behavior may have induced the act... and when the boy is identified, then all efforts are made to prove that he was innocent and was implicated by the girl who induced him to do it.

What happens then? We men feel the brunt of it all. we, in generality, are not only regarded as “jerks, exploiters, sexploiters” etc but also get suspicious looks from our own clansmen as the "guilty" for the incidence that their darling daughter underwent at the hands of some pervert.

Moms, aunties and galpals of women infer that, barring their husbands, dads and brothers, all other men are bad at the core and can’t be trusted. Is it so?

So... what’s the way out? Two-fold solutions... preventive first.

1. All parents and teachers MUST treat both genders on par starting from the very young age. Stop comments like, “what a pretty girl and how well adjusted!” and “what an active and adventurous and competitive boy!” etc.

2. The behavioral and social skills must be taught based on the same human values. All acts that are not acceptable to the society must be corrected, and even punished if repeated, the same way for both genders.

3. Every home must emphasize that mom and dad are equal and equally important & respected in the family, and that both hold rights to their own decisions in their respective domains.

4. Women in each household must firmly deal with deviant behavior of their dad, hubby, brother or son. When a complaint is received about them, please do not ever condone it. You may pardon them once, to give them a chance to change, but they must be confronted about their own behavior (or response) in the incidence, not the girl's.

Now protective solutions. These are quite a few.

5. To start with, allow healthy mingling of boys and girls, allow development of their healthy friendship and mutual personal acceptance on a “collective” or group basis at the very impressionable age. One-on-one friendship requires lot more maturity. Supervise this development discreetly and provide guidance. Acts of molestation are very rare in a friend circle. It leads to caring for and protecting each other.

6. Train girls at an early age to recognize people's deviant behavior towards them. Create trust and establish confidence between the girls and their moms or aunties or elder sisters so the girls talk to them immediately when they experience such a deviant behavior. This is very important for further steps.

7. Encourage girls to be assertive and vocal. When they praise and appreciate guys for good behavior, not only the guys will repeat it but will also try and excel at it. Similarly, a girl should get the message clearly and firmly across to the guy, one-on-one on the first instance, that his abhorrent act was not acceptable. If he repeats it, he will be reported.

8. The woman / girl should scream if an unknown man assaults her in any way, whether in crowd, bus or street. Men don’t like tarnishing their public image. But avoid attacking him back in full public view, unless the act is very serious. Keep simple sharp things like pins, hair clips etc handy and use them on him. Such a silent but violent counter attack has its effects (it's like teaching him a lesson without exposing him publicly).

9. Karate may be useful only on roads without much crowd. But such training builds courage to deal with a scary situation.

10. When movement through a deserted area or time is envisaged, arrange for a male escort that can be trusted.

11. Most of all, give the girls a sense of self-worth and confidence that they will want to fight back and seek justice. “Let’s not be public about it, or her reputation may be spoiled” is a bad logic. Support and help your wife, daughter, sister, friend to fight back.

12. If the incidence involves a family member (e.g., uncle, cousin etc), then the girl should inform her mom (or elder sister or auntie) right away. The elder lady (mom or sister or auntie) should then immediately confront directly the person concerned and firmly ask them not to repeat what they did. The lady should refuse to discuss the event because in such discussions the man gets a chance to defend himself at the cost of the girl's honor. The lady should also inform him that she would also speak to his mom (or sister or wife or daughter) about the incidence and then she should promptly do so. Idea is to let the lady members of the family deal with their man's behavior.

The psyche of the man is to protect his image from his near and dear ones. The lady is exactly addressing that by talking the matters over with the closest female member of his family. Please do not involve any male member of the girl's family. Normally a fight ensues between men and the girl's reputation gets pulled down in the process. This affects the girl worse. The matters must be handled by the ladies.

Despite all these, there will be dark acts. The individuals, families and society have to decide what to do about them.