Truth & Fallacy

Lot many stories and philosophies have been said in defining the universal feeling called Love and lot many hearts ruled and ruined by its mighty hands.Its been there in the ageless epics... and as a good money fetcher to any film entrepreneur who makes us see our own lives in more eloquent and colorful way... and we buy our own stories because we see ourselves somewhere in the songs and rains... in the hurt and pains of the editor’s ink and pen.

Lets rise a bit higher and wake our lives to something more meaningful, and indeed more justified. We all have survived the sufferings and pains and have ostensibly evolved us to a greater level of hierarchy but still we continue to live ourselves like an ant in its colony. We are ruled by the Laws... rules not to say certain things... not to do lot of things for the benefit of our Society. We forsake the individuality to be a machine which switches to the OR and AND GATES of society. We curb ourselves... the good and the bad... to be more acceptable and sociable; for the fear of getting rejected is there somewhere deep within. We all, as human bodies have same laws of biological survival, mind and heart, chemical reactions for growth, maintenance ruling us. Then what is it that sets us apart, what about our individuality when each every one of us is ruled and governed by the cycle of birth... growth and death. Someone rightly said that our individuality is nothing but choices we make... but does our choice and goodwill lie in being ruled by the norms of a fickle society which defines right and wrong for us,. Agreed that we shouldn’t hurt someone in any small way by our reasons and thoughts, but the question is far beyond that..!! Shouldn’t we live our life to the fullest before succumbing to inevitable darkness?

Our dreams testify the desires and thoughts of our subconscious mind, numbed to any artificial rules and laws of society. We feel free in our dreams, but then we wake each single day to be tamed by the unjustifiable norms. Its not a rebel writing this, but a person striving to make some life out of this mechanical daily routines..!! But then it’s a long long way to go before we evolve to this deeper level of harmony and to have said truly lived our lives before I succumbed to the Eternity.

Dark Acts!!!

Literalized voices of all those molested minds set tsunami of thoughts and feelings inside me... and i belong to the gender that perpetrates the dark acts.

So, how does it feel to be counted among the “criminals”? Understand that it’s the social psyche which supports the perpetration...

Speaking mainly of the Indian setup, the society has always set higher priorities on “sons”. The “manhood” is considered to be the most important as a mainstay and provider of the family as well as protector and developer of the society. In these times, this is the basic fallacy first of all. But it nevertheless presents lower status to the womanhood.

Then comes the myth that boys have to be aggressive, assertive and competitive to be “men”, but this is said (or implied) without clarifying what's exactly meant by “aggressive”, “assertive” and “competitive”. Due to lack of such clarification, the terms are always taken in physical sense. So, this justifies the acts of aggression even if they are against the “weaker” section of society.

Then comes the third stream of thoughts that women are to “please” the men and never to “challenge” them in their domain. Women should always be silently supportive of men... women should be sacrificial in their role. Doesn’t that start worsening the situation for both genders? And lastly, the society at large also prompts that all concessions should be granted to let men function in their (men’s) own ways. That grants the men a near-total sanction for their ways. It then starts moral, mental, emotional and spiritual corruption of the society itself … and by corollary then, the only legitimate power that can challenge this power of man is another Man’s power.

Great! Now the society has knit its moral and social fabric. What can a woman do in this situation? Ask most parents if they treat their sons and daughters on par! Ask, if there’s a curfew on the daughter beyond 7 pm, does the curfew apply to the son as well! Ask, if the daughter’s mingling with guys is questioned, then is the son also questioned for mingling with gals! Ask, if rigid moral code is applied to the daughter, then is the same code applied to her brother as well!

If a girl is molested, then her parents, relatives and neighbors subconsciously consider the possibility that her own behavior may have induced the act... and when the boy is identified, then all efforts are made to prove that he was innocent and was implicated by the girl who induced him to do it.

What happens then? We men feel the brunt of it all. we, in generality, are not only regarded as “jerks, exploiters, sexploiters” etc but also get suspicious looks from our own clansmen as the "guilty" for the incidence that their darling daughter underwent at the hands of some pervert.

Moms, aunties and galpals of women infer that, barring their husbands, dads and brothers, all other men are bad at the core and can’t be trusted. Is it so?

So... what’s the way out? Two-fold solutions... preventive first.

1. All parents and teachers MUST treat both genders on par starting from the very young age. Stop comments like, “what a pretty girl and how well adjusted!” and “what an active and adventurous and competitive boy!” etc.

2. The behavioral and social skills must be taught based on the same human values. All acts that are not acceptable to the society must be corrected, and even punished if repeated, the same way for both genders.

3. Every home must emphasize that mom and dad are equal and equally important & respected in the family, and that both hold rights to their own decisions in their respective domains.

4. Women in each household must firmly deal with deviant behavior of their dad, hubby, brother or son. When a complaint is received about them, please do not ever condone it. You may pardon them once, to give them a chance to change, but they must be confronted about their own behavior (or response) in the incidence, not the girl's.

Now protective solutions. These are quite a few.

5. To start with, allow healthy mingling of boys and girls, allow development of their healthy friendship and mutual personal acceptance on a “collective” or group basis at the very impressionable age. One-on-one friendship requires lot more maturity. Supervise this development discreetly and provide guidance. Acts of molestation are very rare in a friend circle. It leads to caring for and protecting each other.

6. Train girls at an early age to recognize people's deviant behavior towards them. Create trust and establish confidence between the girls and their moms or aunties or elder sisters so the girls talk to them immediately when they experience such a deviant behavior. This is very important for further steps.

7. Encourage girls to be assertive and vocal. When they praise and appreciate guys for good behavior, not only the guys will repeat it but will also try and excel at it. Similarly, a girl should get the message clearly and firmly across to the guy, one-on-one on the first instance, that his abhorrent act was not acceptable. If he repeats it, he will be reported.

8. The woman / girl should scream if an unknown man assaults her in any way, whether in crowd, bus or street. Men don’t like tarnishing their public image. But avoid attacking him back in full public view, unless the act is very serious. Keep simple sharp things like pins, hair clips etc handy and use them on him. Such a silent but violent counter attack has its effects (it's like teaching him a lesson without exposing him publicly).

9. Karate may be useful only on roads without much crowd. But such training builds courage to deal with a scary situation.

10. When movement through a deserted area or time is envisaged, arrange for a male escort that can be trusted.

11. Most of all, give the girls a sense of self-worth and confidence that they will want to fight back and seek justice. “Let’s not be public about it, or her reputation may be spoiled” is a bad logic. Support and help your wife, daughter, sister, friend to fight back.

12. If the incidence involves a family member (e.g., uncle, cousin etc), then the girl should inform her mom (or elder sister or auntie) right away. The elder lady (mom or sister or auntie) should then immediately confront directly the person concerned and firmly ask them not to repeat what they did. The lady should refuse to discuss the event because in such discussions the man gets a chance to defend himself at the cost of the girl's honor. The lady should also inform him that she would also speak to his mom (or sister or wife or daughter) about the incidence and then she should promptly do so. Idea is to let the lady members of the family deal with their man's behavior.

The psyche of the man is to protect his image from his near and dear ones. The lady is exactly addressing that by talking the matters over with the closest female member of his family. Please do not involve any male member of the girl's family. Normally a fight ensues between men and the girl's reputation gets pulled down in the process. This affects the girl worse. The matters must be handled by the ladies.

Despite all these, there will be dark acts. The individuals, families and society have to decide what to do about them.

Building Character

It’s a pleasant early morning, just the right breeze to soften the sun’s warm glow. From my window I could see two young mothers walking their kids a few meters away. The babies were about the age of one-year-something-- cute bubbly and perky. Usually this time of the morning in my place, the fathers have had already gone to their respective offices so the streets were bare of vehicles making it quite safe for kids. In many homes in this neighborhood, chores are being carried out in clockwork precision- a daily grind and routine for housewives and mothers.

So now, these two young mothers, one in short-cropped hair and the other in pony tail, naturally were engaged in the usual chatter of old friends in loud enough voices which I didn’t pay attention to. I was more intent on watching the two babies. The first baby with a white bib round his neck sucked nonchalantly on his pacifier. Obviously his mom meant to keep him out of mischief with this. The second baby in blue loosed himself from his mom’s hand and haltingly staggered towards a beautiful yellow-black speckled butterfly perched on a low-lying bush. But after just a few steps, baby blue tripped and fell. I waited for him to cry but no! He went on all fours and gradually stood up on his two feet and again staggered for the butterfly which had remained transfixed on the bush. Then again he tripped, fell, rose again, tripped again and fell, and rose again! Then finally, at last, he got close to the bush eyes still fixed on the butterfly and held out his hand to touch it. Then now the butterfly lifted up in the air but amazingly not with haste. Instead it flitted hovering over the bush like it was giving baby blue the chance to admire it up close-- almost like a prize rewarding him for his persistent and determined efforts to get near to it. I guess it worked. You should see the wonder and awe of baby blue seeing nature at its very best and appreciating the new discovery with a beautiful rapturous smile. Magnificent!

The scene eloquently portrayed these inspiring words of Helen Keller ---“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.” I’m pretty sure that Baby Blue would have what it takes to face the struggles of the adult world he would be joining someday.

Laugh Again

Maybe it’s time to laugh again I heard someone say. I think he is right. It is indeed time to look at life from a perspective other than today’s traffic report or the evening news. It is time to give the child within us permission to look at life and laugh again. It is time we realize that life was meant to be enjoyed, not endured.

Remember how we once were when we were children? When everything we saw was fun and funny? And every new experience was a great adventure? That nobody could hurt us bad enough to make us want to sulk and mope all day? We’d snap out of it just as quickly as we finished off our fries. That we’d crouch on our knees to peer at a caterpillar in the bush? That an iced bar in hand had every friend’s tongue licking on it, too? Such generous and open hearts we had. Such thirst for wonder and adventure. Where did that all go now? When did everything get so serious? It’s simple. At some point between that age of childhood and right now-- we lost it, because life has become a race to be responsible adults. I won’t argue that because how else can we cope with life if we can’t be responsible living it. But who says becoming a responsible adult means a long face and a boringly serious attitude toward life?

True those tough times are upon us. The issues we all face are both serious and real. And in the world of reality, not everything is funny so most people would say. Are they saying then that we have no business laughing and enjoying life? And in the course of living a responsible life, we should sacrifice the ability to laugh and junk the gift of joy and look glum because we’re adults? I hope they don’t teach that in the classrooms or we will be having a planet of zombies.

So how about we try it differently this time and put the smile back on our faces. It’s time to laugh again. Even the Lord loves a cheerful heart. Let’s take back what we have lost. See the world through childlike eyes with a mind always seeking new wonders and adventure, a heart always trusting and believing. Let’s learn to enjoy once more a beautiful sunrise, the innocence and laughter of our children, the myriad colors of a rainbow, the pleasures of our friendships, the fun of surprises, and the assuring warmth and love of our families. Let’s get back the ability to seek out the good and too pluck out the hidden pearls of joy sprinkled down the road of our life in this crazy world. Let us once more learn to delight in these simple pleasures and so make ourselves a lovely day each day of our lives from now on.