Why, We Are So Funny

We are Indians, and we are very funny. Believe me. Every now and then something we do or something we say that makes me hold my swiveling belly in both hands and break out in shrieks and shrieks of goofed up laughter’s.

Just like some days ago, I saw these lines in print media; the Health Minister wishes to ban drinking scenes from movies. Terrific! It was hard for me to get over a goof attack. I was there literally throwing my feet’s in the air. Man, if this isn’t funny than what is? After all, the whole nation has become so hilarious, must be inspired by our daily Laughter Challenges on the tubes. I don't know, if it is the nature of screen imitating reality or the other way around. I guess we were funny even before those stupid laughter shows came on TV. That's why I kept on growing on all this funny stuffs I remember now.

So it is now drinking ban. It had to come after the smoking ban. And seriously our health minister has a lot of things to do. Why, deaths caused by smoking and drinking are touching the sky high limits. And the least he could do is to ban them, onscreen at least. Yes, I do cheer for this once a life time gag things.

Yeah, suddenly the notice came to serve for quota candidates, on a PG curriculum. Nopes, that was serious shit. I laughed my ass out. Reservations! In IIMs? In IITs? God, some crazy shit happens here alright. Reservation up to college level, I understand. But in IIMs and IITs? That's going to be a joke I could hardly comprehend. But, who knows, they are funny, must be a cool gag for them to do. We even laugh at trash comedy movies, don't we?

Sometimes I do wonder what kind of country we are. Secular? Some time of the year it's hard to believe that. Mainly during the election times when the hat trick comes out, playing the caste and religion card is the famous trick netas from these old snake charmers and rope tricks could pull out.

If someone in this country hits you on the road, the best way to get back at him is to prove that he actually belongs to an upper caste or of a different religion. Trust me, you'll hit the jackpot. You'll make it on the national TVs of breaking news. You'll make the parliament where some pot bellied funny bone will accuse the minister of that particular place that he couldn't conduct communal harmony. That's freaky!! Caste and creed are injected to our bones and God knows, each one of us wants to make something in or out of it.

The best examples could be seen before or after any movie screenings where some or other party always screaming loud, burning posters and ill-made effigies, throwing stones at screens. Reason: This or that movie degraded, degenerated their community. Sham, Sham, Puppy Sham. Degraded. Degenerated. Those are words that happen to our communities every other day. And mind me, though the implications of these two words are pretty serious, but somehow the continuous usage of them made it just another funny words.

So are we socialist? Hell No. Socialist like Stalin's GDR or USSR? Nope, we are not officially, kid. That makes me wonder. The socialist world of equality eventually broke out in blood shed of innocents. Who was it. Stalin or Marx or Mao who said that a thousand bodies is ok to sacrifice for the realisation of the socialist dream? No matter who ever did that, we are not socialist. Do they see the blood on their history then? Forget it, that's altogether a different matter of fact.

So what we are? Democratic. Yes, that we are. But more than that we are living the Great Indian Hypocrisy. We are democratic because anyone could do anything, namely destroy properties and/or lives in the name of democracy. And those who wants to protest can't open their mouth because till then the democracy has moved on to become Hypocrisy. And that's the funniest part. You push globalization but you beat the hell out of immigrants from the other state. You talk about open mind then cover up the cheerleaders. Oh, how can I forget, the so funny incident called sex education!! Man, that was exaggeratedly funny. And do I hear that colleges are too banning jeans and sleeveless tees !! Ah man. Glad I passed out of college, or else in today’s date I had to visit the canteen for a half glass tea wearing a stupid tie with my funny shirt tucked in my floppy pants.

The Great Indian Hypocrisy has an ally. The Great Indian Breaking News Channels. Where any and every thing is a breaking news. I'd say this is a good thing. You can understand that we have reached an age of discontent and constant vigilation that our lives are full of so many breaking news. Is it like whatever our country people do becomes a breaking news because given our sense of disparage it's going to hurt someone's sentiment, personal or religious, sooner or later? I do remember this story of this lady Gudia, who once was the centre piece of every news channels. Where the analysists and the opinion givers huddled for countless hours who should take her home, his first or second husband. Now someone made a movie on her and now he can't release it coz, again, let me laugh out first, some people protested that it's putting their community in bad light.

Yes, so much same as smoking and drinking onscreen. Ban them all. Every other day including V day. Ban sex education. Ban saas-bahu serials. Oh no, don't. After all they hold our culture so well, right!! Culture !! Right. One man marrying a lady twice, another one marrying thrice and whatsoever. Ban all things man. Ban us. Ban the democracy. Uphold the Great Indian Hypocrisy. Many many years ago, there was this guy from Bengal, who raped and killed a young gal. He was sent to the gallows. His last few days were bold sized media frenzy. His last shave, last food, last songs he heard. So much for raping and killing a girl? And why not !! Is it not our court's order that the rapist needs to marry the rape victim? Now if that doesn't tickle your funny bone, I don’t know what will.

I remember this one joke we used to sat in our school hours. There's this convention of world leaders and there's this competition of who's got the biggest hard on. A lady comes in front of them one by one and strips, and then it's measured who got the biggest one. So, this lady comes in front of our esteemed leader and strips. Nothing happens. He stays nonchalant, limp. Upset over her beauty and sensuality, the lady turns around, and then, our leader gets the biggest hard on there ever was. When he was asked the reason why he got such excited when the lady turned, our leader said: Because India is a backward country.

Ahhh. well. Cheers to that.